So, I'm back... again. Here I am rededicating myself to writing on a regular basis...again. I was talking to my sister on the phone earlier and saying how I always mean to update my blog, but always find something else that needs doing when I have a few moments - put laundry in the dryer, empty the dish washer, pay bills... and before I know it, nap time is over. Add in all the other stuff I try to fit into a week - work, yoga and, oh yeah, sleep, and writing always seems to take a backseat.
After I went on about all this, my sister asked, "Are you sure you really do want to write?" I know what she's getting at. She's asking if this is something I really want to do or am I finding excuses not to do it because I think I should want to do it but don't really. This is a valid question, and I pondered it. Here's the thing: I am excited about writing. I do love to do it. It's a great emotional outlet. I think I do it well, so it makes me feel intelligent and capable. Why don't I make it a priority, then? It's true I'm not bubbling over with spare time. I do spend a fair amount of my week on the floor playing cars with my 2-year-old, but writing's not something I can do while he sits on my lap, begging to type on the keyboard.
The other thing, though, is this: I am a little scared. I am scared to get into writing because I have always fancied myself good at it, and what if I find out I'm not really? I guess that's why I'm fairly relieved that no one reads this blog on a regular basis. As confident as I feel about my skill on the one hand, I'm a little shy about sharing on the other. I know this sounds really childish, and I've decided to get over it. It goes hand-in-hand with something I've been working on in my life over the past several years and that's relaxing my people-pleasing tendencies and letting myself not give a crap what other people think of me.
I am rededicated to writing, yet again. This time I am going to schedule time at least once a week to write here. It will be good brain exercise, and give me a sense of intellectual accomplishment. Because, scared or not, as the Butthole Surfers once crooned, "It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."