I swore I was going to use my blog as a way to journal this pregnancy on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with Jack, I wrote religiously in a paper journal once a week, recording how I felt physically and emotionally, how much I weighed, and such. This time around, now that I'm feeling better, I tend to forget I'm pregnant at times. I have kept up with some things. I take pictures of my growing belly once a month, just like I did with Jack. I don't want this baby look back at his or her baby memorabilia and feel slighted, but it is damned hard to be as psycho into pregnancy as I was the first time. With Jack, I read more than a few books on pregnancy and child birth. I read details on line every day about his growth in utero. We took child birth classes and breast feeding classes. I thought about being pregnant ALL THE TIME. Now I'll periodically run into a friend of acquaintance who is bubbling over with congratulations for "my news," and it takes me a few seconds to figure out what they're talking about.
It's not that I'm any less excited about this baby. I've started to feel some little movements now, and it always makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy. When I hear the baby's heartbeat at the doctor's office, as I did today, it still moves me to near tears. It's such a wonderful, life-filled, reassuring sound. And I do like to look at my baby bump profile in the mirror. It's just that I am a lot busier and a lot less nervous than I was the first time around. I don't comb the internet to reassure myself that my symptoms are perfectly normal. I don't worry that every little thing I put in my mouth is going to give the baby a second head. We've been through the labor and delivery thing once before. I know how it goes, and I know I have very little control over it. And I'm a little busy answering all Jack's toddler questions - "What that, Momma?" and "cuz why?" and playing "soccer ball" in the back yard - a game Jack invented that involves throwing his pint-sized soccer ball across the yard, running in circles and falling down. Actually, when I think about it, this baby has the slight advantage over Jack in that it has a much more relaxed momma. So, while I do want to be sure this one doesn't feel second fiddle, (I'll be sure to take the same ridiculous amount of photos when he/she is born) I don't think I'll feel guilty about spending less time going nuts over this pregnancy. It's kind of nice that it seems to be flying by, as opposed the slow creep of my pregnancy with Jack. It's relaxing to refrain from cracking a book and reading about all the potentially horrible things that can go wrong during child birth - things I can't control and thus only serve to make me feel worried. Jack got hyper-informed momma; this next one gets super chilled momma. By the time they're two and five, I figure it ought to even out.
P.S. On a side note, my doctor noted I've gained four pounds since my last visit three weeks ago. He gently mentioned that I may want to watch my weight a bit, as the baby doesn't weigh very much at this point. I nodded and smiled and fully intend to eat as many cupcakes as I want for my birthday on Saturday. I love what pregnancy does for my weight attitude.