Today is the first day of kindergarten. I dropped Jack off at school. We were later than I wanted to be and got there at 7:40, instead of 7:35, like we were supposed to to meet the other kindergarteners in the cafeteria, so Jack and I walked to his classroom ourselves. He was light and happy all the way there, until it was time for me to leave. He hugged me tight and didn't seem to want to let go. He did, though, and as I left, he had that serious, slightly worried look he gets. I waved and smiled. I left the building and walked back down the hill to my car. I drove home, I walked in the house, where Gage and Jason were waiting, and I burst into tears.
Jason went to work, and I got a hold of myself, but the rest of the morning, I was on edge. My mind was going a mile a minute with questions. What happens tomorrow when they won't let me walk him to the classroom? Should I drop him off in the car or walk him into the cafeteria where we've been told the kids will wait until their teacher takes them to the classroom? How am I going to pick him up? Will Gage walk fast enough with me? Do I take the stroller? What if Jack gets nervous because he's not sure how it works? Where do I park? How's it going to work when we start car pooling next week? Oh, yeah, I need to buy booster seat for that...My mind is going in all different directions.
Then I realized what was upsetting me. Yes, I was worried about Jack, but really I know he'll be okay. I'm pretty sure he'll enjoy kindergarten after he gets used to it and knows the routine. Yes, I feel a sadness at my first baby going off to big bad, stay-all-day everyday public school. Yes, I'm going to miss him. But what really had me all fit to be tied was not knowing the logistics. Mmm, I wonder where Jack gets his attachment to routine? We had a great little schedule with preschool three days a week. We all knew how that worked, but this is something brand new, and despite having taught elementary school in this very district, I feel like I don't have a clue how best to do things like drop off and pick up, and that seriously stresses me out.
Yes, I went to kinder camp with Jack, and yes I listened, but during that time, I got a call from the preschool saying Gage was acting weird, and since he'd fallen and hit his head pretty badly that day before school, I was concerned. So I spend a good deal of kindergarten orientation either out in the hall on the phone or sitting in the meeting distracted by my worries about Gage. I'm sure this contributes to my feeling of being not at all prepared.
I know this feeling will pass. We will get used to elementary school just like we got used to preschool, but for some reason knowing this does not get me to relax right now. I am a planner, and it puts me out of sorts when I feel like I can't totally plan ahead for something. We really just need to go to school for a couple of weeks, try a couple of different transportation/parking options and figure out what's best, but I don't like that. I want to know what's best RIGHT NOW!
Anyway, this rant really doesn't have a point. I just needed to vent my frustration, and now I feel better...well a little better. Thanks for reading.